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June 3, 2022

Wes is 1

20 comments
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The paradox of motherhood – the push and pull of very conflicting emotions, of holding two truths that feel far apart but also very much both real – is never more apparent to me than it is during the big milestones. 

My last baby turned 1 year old on Wednesday.

I feel both happy and also devastated that I’ll never have the experience of having a baby again. 

What a relief it is to know I won’t have to go through the delivery and recovery process again – either via C section, like Riese, or VBAC, like Wes.

And – how sad it feels that I’ll never get to meet my child for the very first time again, to see their tiny fingers and toes and their wrinkled face and say, “Wow, it was you in there all this time.”

That most magical moment – more magical than anything I’ve every known – will never be mine to experience again. It’s there in my memories, but it’s fading, and that makes me well up with tears. 

What a relief it is to know we won’t experience the crushing and constant fatigue that it is having a brand new baby who is up all night day after day.

And – my heart breaks that I’ll never hold my newborn baby to my chest again, feeling their tiny weight resting again my body, listening to their grunts and soft inhales and exhales. I could have stared at their little sleeping faces all day – sometimes I did. 

On Tuesday night, on the eve of Wes’s birthday, Matt and I went out to dinner (without the kids – always a big treat, and also kind of weird to just be able to sit and focus and have a real conversation that isn’t interrupted every 12 seconds by a child). 

“I wonder what we were doing exactly one year ago right at this moment,” I said to Matt, feeling nostalgic and rosy about those last few days when we were parents of only one child. 

In my mind, I was imagining us on a big adventure with Riese, all of us smiling and holding hands, the calm before the chaos. 

Matt looked at me like I was a bit nuts, and said, “Well, I think about this time was when you were spending all day and night for multiple days in a row in serious early labor pain.” 

My rose colored glasses suddenly cleared. 

“Oh, wow, yeah. That was terrible. Clearly I have blocked that memory out already… glad I don’t have to do that again.” I said. 

How quickly we forget, right? 

Thinking back to last summer feels like much longer than a year ago. It honestly feels like forever.

I miss being on the precipice of all that excitement, and I also am relieved that we are now 1 year out, at a place where we have all settled into the new routine vs. being on the cusp of massive change. 

On Wednesday evening, we marked the completion of Wes’s first year the same way we marked Riese’s – with a muffin topped with Greek yogurt. 

The guest list was small: just me, Matt, Riese, my mom, and the birthday boy. 

Riese and my mom and I made the muffins after school, we ordered pizza for dinner, and Riese very selflessly offered to open Wes’s presents for him since he couldn’t do it yet. 😉 

It was simple and low key and felt just right. 

Happy birthday to our sweet, cheerful, and go with the flow little man. We love you so much. 

And now, on to the next phase we go. <3 

—

(In case you missed it – I shared a very long and detailed update in my last motherhood post -> Wes: 10 Month Baby + Mama Update.)

- anne
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you might also like:

Wes: 10 Month Baby + Mama Update

Riese’s Birth Story

1 Year Baby Update

vbac birth story featured image

Wes’s Birth Story

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20 comments
  • Lisa of Lisa's Yarns
    June 3, 2022 · 9:33AM:
    Happy birthday to sweet Wes and happy birth day to you! Our son turned 1 in December. But I did not experience the bittersweet emotions that you did... I am so happy we have 2 kids and feel incredibly fortunate but pregnancies are so hard/complicated for me, and the first year is so challenging that I felt happy and relieved that I won't have to go through it again! But I really really soaked up lots of cuddles with our 2nd as I knew how fleeting that season of life is. He would only nap while being held until we did some sleep training at 4 months so I held him for SO MANY HOURS in his first 4 months of life! But in general, I seem to be an outlier in not experiencing that bittersweet feeling when my kids age. Maybe it will hit me later in life, like the elementary years? It also might have to be with me being a T in the ISTJ paradigm. I feel like I'm in the minoring in being a female with a T! I don't think I know any other women who have a T instead of an F!
    Reply
    • Anne
      June 6, 2022 · 10:36AM:
      That's interesting! Maybe some of us just have amnesia more quickly than others! ;)
      Reply
  • Ana June 3, 2022 · 10:53AM:
    How quickly the time goes! Happy birthday to Wes! 😍
    Reply
    • Anne
      June 6, 2022 · 10:37AM:
      Thank you!
      Reply
  • Sokphal June 3, 2022 · 11:08AM:
    Wes is so cute! Happiest of birthdays little dude! <3
    Reply
    • Anne
      June 6, 2022 · 10:37AM:
      Thanks Sokphal!
      Reply
  • Kris S June 3, 2022 · 11:27AM:
    Aww! Happy Birthday little guy! :) Congratulations to you all on this milestone as a family! :)
    Reply
    • Anne
      June 6, 2022 · 10:37AM:
      Thanks Kris!
      Reply
  • Laura June 3, 2022 · 11:33AM:
    My youngest is three and the biggest thing I miss is having a little newborn baby sleep on my chest.
    Reply
    • Anne
      June 6, 2022 · 10:38AM:
      Right? It's THE BEST. Now I can't convince either of them to cuddle with me, sigh...
      Reply
  • Melanie June 3, 2022 · 1:19PM:
    The sweetness of a new baby comes back when you have grandchildren :) It is the best of both worlds...the hugs, the love but then the relief when they go home with Mom and Dad and you can sleep through the night. Happy Birthday to Wes!!
    Reply
    • Anne
      June 6, 2022 · 10:38AM:
      That sounds fantastic... best of both worlds indeed!
      Reply
  • Marta June 3, 2022 · 1:28PM:
    Happy Birthday Wes!!!🎈🎈🎈🎉🎉🎉🎂🎂🎂🎁🎁🎁 We are glad your in this world and your Family Loves you so much!!! Fun to see your growth!
    Reply
    • Anne
      June 6, 2022 · 10:38AM:
      Thank you Marta!
      Reply
  • Roadrunner June 3, 2022 · 1:51PM:
    What a lovely post!
    Reply
    • Anne
      June 6, 2022 · 10:38AM:
      Thank you!
      Reply
  • Tori June 4, 2022 · 8:53AM:
    Wes is quite the cutie!! A very happy birthday to the birthday boy!
    Reply
    • Anne
      June 6, 2022 · 10:38AM:
      Thanks Tori!
      Reply
  • Kori Daniel June 7, 2022 · 8:04AM:
    Even though Ansley will only be six weeks tomorrow, I fully understand what you mean! I often go back and read my announcement post to relive that day because I don’t want to forget the details or the feeling. Motherhood highlights the passing of time so much, and it feels like it moves at lightening speed. While the pain of a belly birth was intense, I wish I could go back again. That rush of meeting your baby Earth side and sharing it with your husband is like no other. Happy belated birthday, Wes!
    Reply
    • Anne
      June 7, 2022 · 3:28PM:
      Beautifully put. Thanks, Kori! Lots of love to you and your little one, too.
      Reply
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anne mauney fannetastic food
Hi, I’m Anne! I'm a Washington D.C. based Registered Dietitian, mother, runner, and lover of travel, adventure, and the great outdoors. I've been blogging since 2009, sharing a mix of lifestyle content, recipes, and fitness tips. Come for the recipes – stay for the fun!
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I’m Anne, a Registered Dietitian and mother. I've been blogging since 2009 and love showing others that eating nutritious foods and staying active can actually be fun rather than overwhelming!

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