Mom Real Talk + Weekend

Hey guys. I’ve got some mom real talk for you this morning… things are feeling a bit tough over here today. But first, let’s chat about the weekend. :) We had a nice weekend… lots of cozy time and baby snuggles. On Friday, we stayed in, had leftovers, and did this:

baby snuggles

Saturday was an absolutely gorgeous weather day so we spent a lot of it outside. It was sunny but a little chilly so we put Riese in her snowsuit (I die over how cute this is) and took a nice long family walk.

baby snowsuit

Riese is still really liking the Boba 4G Carrier, and so am I! It’s nice having her so close. <3

baby wearing walk

I had some of the leftover Asian Sheet Pan Salmon with leftover edamame slaw and quinoa and avocado for lunch, yum.


In the afternoon, we went over to my friend Heather’s to meet her new baby boy! He’s 2 weeks now and such a cutie with a TON of hair. The four of us + the babies all went for another walk and then we hung out for a bit at their place and caught up. So good to see them, and to meet their adorable little man! He was snoozing the whole time so I just have a picture of me and Heather (with Riese’s head poking out). :)

baby friend walk

Saturday night we decided it would be fun to order pizza! Yum. We had that + some homemade salads I threw together.


And then I spent the rest of the night on the couch with Riese reading The Fifth Trimester. I just started it but so far I’m enjoying it – helpful to read advice and tips from people who have been there before with this whole new mom thing, especially as I’m navigating the emotions of juggling baby time and ramping back up my work schedule again already.

the fifth trimester book

Yesterday was another low key day – it was rainy so no family walks, but I got out for a yoga class while Matt and Riese had some nice daddy-daughter time so that felt really good to get in some stretching. The rest of the day was spent hanging out with Riese and doing some stuff around the house! We made a really yummy Chicken Tortilla Soup last night, using our Instant Pot (I bought the 6 quart one) for the first time! I bought this back when I was pregnant and then hadn’t used it yet since I wasn’t super into cooking while pregnant, so it was nice to bust it out. The soup was delicious… I’ll share the recipe next week, so stay tuned! Really fast and easy.


Okay so now for the life/real talk update. So… remember how I shared that after a bunch of interviews and research we had hired a nanny? And that she was supposed to start full time this morning? Yeah, well, when I woke up at 12:45 last night to feed Riese, I saw a text from her at 10:30 that said she decided she wasn’t going to be able to work for us after all. Seriously? Less than 12 hours before she was supposed to show up for her first day of work? It’s all just really confusing and bizarre and of course now I’m like “was it something I did? or said? or…?” Last time we talked a few days ago after contract negotiations she said she was really happy and excited, so the only thing I can think of is that she got a better offer and didn’t have the guts to say that (she said something in her text about how she needed the family she worked for to allow her to bring her granddaughter with her to work so this wouldn’t work out… but she’d never even mentioned a granddaughter to us before or asked us about that?! And when we responded saying we were confused and that we could have discussed that if she had mentioned it, she just replied “sorry that’s all”.) So… yeah. Total fail.

It feels really overwhelming to have to start the childcare search all over again… we didn’t feel strongly enough about any of the other nannies we interviewed to hire them. The bright side is that we have a better idea now of what we want in terms of hours than we did when we started the search, so we can be more clear upfront with what we are looking for. I think I’d like to try to compress my work schedule to 4 days per week, and then spend 1 day at home with Riese just the two of us, no work involved. I feel incredibly grateful to have the flexibility to do this, and I hope we can find a nanny that is okay with this schedule. The hours will still be pretty much full time (we are thinking 36 hours per week), so we’ll see.

On top of the nanny situation, we are also having some feeding issues. At Riese’s 2 month pediatrician appointment last week, the doctor said Riese was healthy but he would have liked her to gain a bit more weight than she had. He wasn’t concerned enough to ask to see her any sooner than her standard 4 month appointment, but of course this sent me into a mom guilt “oh my gosh, have we been unintentionally starving our baby this whole time?!” situation.

The pediatrician suggested that I add more fat to my diet because he randomly assumed the issue was the fat content of my milk, but of course I went and researched that online and research shows that while you can change the type of fat in your milk based on what you eat, you can’t increase the actual fat content. (Kelly Mom has more info on that… that site is so helpful.) So… yeah. I think the issue is actually Riese’s shallow latch, which has gotten worse recently. She has started taking longer and longer to eat and then still seems fussy after some of the feeds, and we experimented with giving her a bottle of pumped milk a few times over the weekend shortly after I tried to feed her from the breast, and she took down the bottles, which made me feel terrible because clearly she hadn’t gotten enough already and it felt like my efforts were being wasted. Things came to a head last night because I was really exhausted because I hadn’t slept at all due to being upset about the nanny situation, and then I spent 2 hours trying to get Riese to feed from 5 to 7 a.m. before finally bursting into tears and asking Matt to give her a bottle, which she downed. Time to see a lactation consultant ASAP to see if they can help me figure out what’s really going on.

The good news is that 1) we are incredibly lucky to have my mom nearby. She came over this morning to help so I can spend time researching nannies and setting up more interviews, set up an appointment with a lactation consultant, and meet my work deadlines. And 2) We have Riese, and for that we are so, so grateful. No matter how tough things feel sometimes, I know we are really fortunate to have a baby – and a healthy one at that. Her smiles have gotten so much bigger and more interactive lately – they continue to melt my heart, and I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to be her mama.

baby smiles

Time to get to it… thanks for listening to my rambling today, guys. It helps to write it all out. :)


  1. 1

    Wow you have a lot going on right now. Of course you are thankful to have Riese, but glad to see you are also acknowledging all that is happening.

    My friend had the same issue with her little one about a month after she was born. At the time she felt the same emotions as you and ended up going to the bottle and formula. She now says it was the best decision she made. As you say to your clients, you need to do what is good for you.

    • 2

      this. i personally couldn’t deal with the stress of trying to BF (my son didn’t gain as much as he should have the first month too) and pumping, so we switched to formula and bottles and it was the best decision we ever made. nothing wrong with supplementing or switching all together, a fed baby is the end goal after all! so if it comes to that, don’t beat yourself up over it.

      also, that nanny sounds super professional so at least you got rid of her before you had to actually deal with her taking care of your child…bright side?

      • 3

        Very true on the bright side. It’s just so bizarre because her references were great! Argh. And agreed – fed baby is definitely the goal… it’s just hard to not know what the issue is. Hoping we can get some more idea of what’s going on via the lactation consultant!

      • 4

        Amen, sisters. I also found breast feeding to be way too overwhelming with a baby who wouldn’t latch well and was constantly eating and constantly hungry and a mama flooded with post partum hormones and severely sleep deprived. Switching to formula made things so much better! Although I probably cried about it for a week after and still feel twinges of guilt or regret when people taut the benefits of breastfeeding.

    • 5

      Very true. Thank you!

    • 6
      Stephanie says:

      This is exactly what happened to me. We went in for something at 3 months and she was a teensy bit under in weight. Breastfeeding supplemented with formula was the solution. She never had a good latch, took her forever to nurse, and she was super fussy. Adding more calories significantly changed her demeanor. At the time, adding in formula seemed like such a huge deal. Eight years later I look back and giggle. Extra pumping would have detracted from that precious time with my babe. Breastmilk is healthier, yes, but the current breastfeeding culture is not that different from the diet/health obsessed culture that you rally against. Big picture. Healthy baby and happy mama. Good luck!

  2. 7

    Ugh, sounds like a rough time all around.

    I don’t know if you already have a lactation consultant, but the mom of one of the kids I used to coach has a lactation consulting business in Arlington and she is highly regarded.

  3. 10

    I cannot even understand AT ALL why she did that to you guys! I am appalled at the nanny’s behavior. Clearly she is not professional in the slightest. Better to learn that now than later at least, and I wish you all the best in your new search! I bet the lactation consultant will be a wealth of knowledge, and you and Riese will get her nursing where it should be. :) All the best!

  4. 12

    I feel for you girl, the nanny situation would be so hard, I hope you guys are able to find a good a reliable fit soon. Hopefully the lactation consultant can help with the latch, but just remember, she is healthy and happy and you are doing everything you can for her. You are doing great! Hope you have a good!

  5. 14

    I am by no means a lactation consultant, but have you tried using a nipple shield? My little one really had trouble latching on at the beginning and the hospital recommended it, and I found it to be HUGELY helpful for her (bonus points that it helps with chafing / soreness ;) I actually used it for several months! The brand I used is below…they do come in different sizes, so if you decide to go that route, probably helpful to try a couple sizes and find what works for you both.

    • 15

      I LOVED my nipple shield as well! My son had a tongue-tie that caused an extremely shallow latch (and very sore nipples in the beginning) but even after we got that fixed, the nipple shield made a HUGE difference for us. I second trying this out for sure!

      • 16

        A lactation consultant is a great idea and will give you great peace of mind. Our lactation consultant gave us a shield and it worked great for us. My little one had a tongue tie and even after we fixed it she had a really hard time figuring nursing out because she was so accustomed to bottles after a NICU stint. We used them for about five months and it really made such a difference in her ability to nurse. Hang in there – nobody talks enough about the mental/emotional burden of breastfeeding and being the food source for your child. You are doing a great job!

        • 17

          My little one had a posterior tongue tie, which is often overlooked by pediatrician. Ask the lactation consultant about this because it can definitely cause a shallownlatch. It took me going through 3 different LC’s to finally get someone to tell me the problem. After a quick 20 second laser frenulectomy and 2 weeks of suck training exercises, she was nursing like a champ. Also, ask if they will allow you to borrow a scale to do before and after weighted feeds. My hospital loans them out for free, so it was a huge help to ensure she was getting enough (until we knew she had mastered it post-surgery). I feel for you! I cried many tears until we got it figured out.

          • 18

            That would be REALLY helpful to have the scale… so hard to tell if she’s fussing after eating because she’s still hungry or if she’s sleepy or if she’s gassy or…?!! Ah!

        • 19

          Breastfeeding really is such an emotionally intense thing… I felt like SUCH a failure after trying to nurse her for ages and then having her take down a bottle from Matt within minutes. It’s hard, but so helpful to hear from fellow moms. <3

          • 20

            You are absolutely not a failure! I totally understand what you are feeling though – for being such a “natural” process it is immensely complicated. I know many moms that pumped exclusively or who went straight to formula. Ultimately, I believe fed is best and after trying some things out you will figure out what works best for you and your kiddo. Hang in there!!!

            • 21

              Thank you! <3 It really is immensely complicated for such a natural process... I have no idea how women did this before lactation consultants existed.

              • 22

                I always say that!! How can kittens figure it out yet us humans have gadgets, consultants, balms, pumps, pillows and still have problems!!! Hang in there, breastfeeding can be such a hard journey. I had a very different journey with each of my three kids and my best advice is do what works for all of you. I put so much pressure on myself that I know realize was unnecessary. I am glad you are seeing someone so you can rule things out and offer tips and trick unique to your situation. I empathize with the frustration and relief of the baby crushing the bottle! My #2 was a lazy nurser and absolutely preferred bottles and now my #3 only wants me and refuses bottles from me (fine with bottles from others) so who knows!!!!! Hang in there!

      • 23

        Definitely going to ask the lactation consultant about this!

    • 24

      I haven’t tried one… that’s a good idea! I’ll ask the lactation consultant if she thinks it will help us… fingers crossed.

  6. 25

    Think of this nanny situation as a blessing in disguise. There was something strange there, even if you missed it in the interviews, and you want your nanny fully committed to your child. So, even though it’s stressful, you will find somebody you LOVE and it’ll all make sense. My son had an upper lip tie and had a horrible latch. Nipple shields didn’t work. Different positions didn’t work. I hated it. My 1 1/2 weeks of nursing involved LOTS of tears and frustration. I ended up exclusively pumping because he latched so poorly but did great on bottles. It was a lot of work, but honestly, the stress of latching and not knowing how much he was eating was way too much for me. So it sucked pumping (for eleven LONG months), but it worked much better with my type A personality. I had to pump anyway since I was working, so we just made it a full time thing. I just wish I knew going into breastfeeding that exclusively pumping was actually a thing and you could be super successful giving breastmilk without latching. I stumbled across a Facebook page for it and was so glad to find support. Feeding, momming, childcare, it’s all hard. But it gets way easier and honestly, much more enjoyable (unless you’re one of those crazy moms who enjoys this adjustment period, haha, I did NOT enjoy it).

    • 26

      You’re definitely right… here’s hoping we end up with a way better nanny anyway. And thank you for your support and kind words! It’s helpful to know I’m not alone in struggling.

  7. 27

    Anne, your transparency is so beautiful and refreshing! First of all the smiley pic of Riese is gorgeous- I have 3 sons and my oldest ( who is now 18) was an aggressive eater but failed to latch correctly. My 2nd ( now 16) was born with pyloric stenosis and would violently vomit after his feedings. My youngest ( now 15) was born with Coanal Atresia and literally couldn’t breathe thru either nostril- so breastfeeding was a nearly impossible. I share all that to say, I admire your fervent desire to breastfeed. Whether thru bottle or direct contact- I personally found that feeding with love and connection was most important. –
    which is sooo obvious that you already do:) Many nights I sat with sore nipples, pumping, crying, and feeling like I just had No idea whether my baby was getting enough milk . I wish I would have sought advice or help from a lactation consultant as you are. Your doing great. Don’t let the pediatricians comment get to your heart. They have to look at the numbers, its nothing personal. Enjoy these days with Riese, and have extra love and grace on yourself. Your juggling a lot- especially with Nanny situation! Gosh that was awful. But thankfully things always seem to work out the exact way there supposed to. Praying for you and your beautiful family. Your doing an Amazing job Momma!

  8. 29
    Laura Swanson says:

    Ugh big hugs to you! I cannot believe your nanny pulled that! How frustrating! At least you own your own business and set your schedule so you can move things around in the meantime! And Reese looks nice and healthy to me! Don’t be afraid to use formula if you need to, she will be fine! :)

  9. 31

    So sorry that happened to you! I had a similar issue with my kids and ended up switching to a bottle for them. It took so much stress away! You have to do what’s best for you and for that precious girl and not worry about anything else! Parenting is something you ultimately have navigate yourself. What works for some may not be what works for you. Sounds like you’re better off without that nanny! I hope your search goes well!

  10. 33

    I’ve had weight gain issues with both of my babies. Hang in there. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes you can figure it out and sometimes you can’t.

  11. 35

    Have you tried the bf support group at Virgina Hospital? saved my life!

    • 36

      I was trying to make it to it last week but the pediatrician visit timing meant I couldn’t make it to both… I was reading on the website though that if you think you need manual/one-on-one help, it might be best to do the private consult? I might try to go this week anyway though since I’m sure it can’t hurt!

      • 37

        The one nice thing about the bf support group at Virginia Hospital is they have a scale there and you can do a weighted feed to see how much your baby is eating – really good information to have! Sounds like you probably need a one-on-one consult but this group can be great for support and meeting some other mamas in addition to being able to do the weighted feedings :) Good luck – Riese is lucky to have you as a mama and I am sure you will figure this all out soon!

        We had a lot of issues finding a nanny – I think it is totally common but trust it will all work out for the best! We ended up avoiding a potentially bad situation and loving our current nanny!

        • 38

          This- we also had issues finding a nanny. and i really hate to generalize/stereotype but that sort of behavior is super common. Happened to our friends also, twice in a row the candidate bailed either the week or day before, is is NOT you. I think you have to steel yourself for the search and be super prepared for less than professional behavior…even once you find someone.

      • 39

        I went to the VHC group and it was great. But yes! For one-on-one help you need to see your own lactation consultant. The group is more general help and support from moms and the LC that leads it. I saw one individually that I liked a lot and it was so nice to have her all to ourselves for a few hours as we talked through all of the challenges! SO MANY DANG CHALLENGES. Hang in there, mama! You are so not alone in dealing with this stuff.

      • 40

        Its just a great support to you as a new mom snd you can conncet with the lac consultant who is there. I swear listening to the problems of other moms helped me realize that I was not alone! Def try to go- it really is helpful! Good luck Anne! Being a new mom is such hard work!

  12. 41

    So sorry to hear about the nanny situation! I hope you find someone MUCH better soon!! We went through quite a bit of hell with the breastfeeding with my first daughter and she eventually had a posterior tongue tie (undiagnosed for awhile) that was clipped at age 3 months and that improved things *remarkably*. Just something to consider if that hasn’t been checked very thoroughly – there seem to be so few specialists who are really able to narrow it down!! If you are interested, I can ask my aunt who is a specialist if she has any colleagues she would recommend in your area.
    Good for you for looking at all of these things in a positive way – I hope things improve soon! Her little smile is so adorable and you and Matt are doing a wonderful job.

    • 42

      That’s really interesting how many of you guys are saying tongue ties were the issue… very curious to see if that’s what’s going on! I’d love if you had some local recs… thank you in advance!

  13. 43
    Traci Ward says:

    Big big hugs for you! I hope the lactation consultant can help you out! Always trust your mommy gut, even if that means a bottle here and there.

    My daughter was pretty tiny at birth and seemed to be nursing just fine from a latch perspective, but was super fussy after eating. We switched to pumping and bottle feeding at around ten weeks because the stress of her weight was just so much for me. She did so much better with the bottles. Now that she’s much older (and after months and months of pumping) I realized my second let down took a while and she just wasn’t patient enough.

    P.s. that snow suit is PRECIOUS! she’s adorable 💜

    • 44

      I think Riese isn’t super patient either… hard to tell, though, what’s going on! Would be so much easier if they could just tell us, ha!

  14. 45

    Have you checked for a tongue tie or lip tie? My son had a shallow latch and was the slowest eater ever, and it turned out he had a serious tongue and lip tie so we did a frenectomy, which allowed us to continue EBFing after I thought I would have to quit or lose my mind.

    • 46

      We haven’t… the lactation consultants at the hospital didn’t notice anything, but I’m definitely going to ask about that when I meet with one hopefully this week!

      • 47

        Another rec for taking a look at a tongue or lip tie. Try to google pics and check it out then see about the ped or the LC. The head LC and the first ped that saw my baby in the hospital both missed a serious tongue and lip tie! I ended up formula feeding mostly related to supply issues but I always wonder if they’d caught it early it I’d been able to BF a little longer. Also, no joke, childcare has been the worst most stressful part of having a little one. It will all work out though! It always does! good luck to you :)

      • 48

        The hospital mentioned it to us but brushed it off, and I wasn’t until I met with a lactation consultant (Angela “The Breastfeeding Lady” who is local and awesome btw) that we realized it was a big issue. Meeting with her was the best money I spent as a new Mom.

  15. 49

    My son was having trouble latching and not being full. He ended up having tongue and lip ties which we had corrected by laser around 12 weeks. Things got so much better after that. He is now 14 months and still nursing!

    My oldest son had trouble gaining weight too and I ended up nursing and also pumping milk to mix with formula for a while. (Looking back this was most likely due to me not eating enough and losing weight too quickly.) I was devastated that I couldn’t provide for him on my own, but it all worked out. Be kind to yourself Mama!

    • 50

      That’s interesting about the tongue/lip tie – the lactation consultants didn’t say anything about that when we were at the hospital, but I’m definitely going to ask when we meet with one this week!

  16. 51

    Hi Anne! First off, she is so cute! My baby is already 6 and man does it fly by. I also have a 13 year old and 10 year old. I had breast feeding woes with all of them. With my 13 year old I wasn’t able to make it work and I gave up shortly after she was born. I was the first of my friends and neither my mom or mother in law BF so I didn’t have lots of support. I felt extremely guilty for many years. I tried harder with my boys but it was still a constant struggle. I found my way with nursing and formula with my middle for about 5 months (after tons of feeding therapy and all sorts of crazy things) and with my youngest I exclusively pumped for 6 months and had excess in the freezer until he was 10 months old. Now, all 3 of my kids are healthy and smart. Especially my oldest! :) :) Sending you hugs as I know all the feelings. You are an awesome Mom!

  17. 53

    Definitely get in touch with a lactation consultant! I drove myself crazy Googling breastfeeding problems in the wee hours of the morning…it truly made me want to quit breastfeeding and really did not help my anxiety, which was pretty high with a newborn. Every baby is different and sometimes even hearing personal stories can drive you nuts because there are SO many possibilities…having someone who knows what they’re doing who can help guide your journey is just invaluable. It takes the load off of your shoulders (I remember feeling like breastfeeding was this HUGE burden I had to carry alone.) Remember it IS a journey and that’s OK! And if you really need to Google, have Matt do it.

    • 54

      Right?! I’m like okay, is it the fat issue? Is my milk just too low in fat? Or is it a volume issue? Or is it the latch? Or is it supply? Or…!??!?!? Argh! So many variables. Thank you for sharing this <3

  18. 55

    Have you thought of just exclusively pumping? We ended up going that route when my daughter was having feeding issues and honestly it was SO much easier than stressing over breastfeeding. I could empty both breasts at the same time, be on a regular schedule, my husband or anyone could help with feeding, etc. I still felt holding her and giving her a bottle was ample “bonding” time and was happy I could still at least give her breast milk. Not going to lie, letting go of the idea of breastfeeding was a little sad, but once I did it I realized I was so much happier, as well as my daughter :) Just wanted to put that out there b/c mom guilt is real!

    Does your Mom have any interest in watching her full time? ;)

    • 56

      Haha I wish my mom would be our nanny! That would be SO much easier, right?! Sadly while she’s super happy to babysit for us some, she’s not down for being a full time nanny… which is totally understandable. :) Bummer though! And yeah, I’ve thought more about exclusively pumping… pumping isn’t my favorite, but there are definitely some upsides. I do love the breastfeeding bond, though, and it’s so much easier logistically than prepping bottles (when it actually works, that is…), but we will see. I need to figure something out ASAP because it’s not feasible for me to spend basically all day trying to feed her, especially when it’s not working anyway.

      • 57

        haha I was kidding about your Mom…that’s a lot for a grandparent to take on!

        Kelly Mom has a whole section on EP’ing if you want to take a look in there. They have a lot of great tips and would just give you some more info on it. I felt the same way…I needed to do something and what I was doing wasn’t working and just causing stress for everyone. It will all work out though!

  19. 59

    First off, keep it up! You’re doing a great job!
    Being a new mom is so hard – you question everything you’re doing (and the internet is sometimes great for resources, but often terrible because it makes you feel completely inadequate!)
    Both my kids had feeding issues, we ended up with a mix of BM and formula, and that worked for us. Fed is best!

    For your nanny issue, do you think your online presence makes finding a nanny more difficult? I wonder if a prospective nanny would be nervous about her life becoming more public than she is comfortable with .

    • 60

      Interesting question! I don’t think so (we haven’t mentioned the blog to any of the candidates, and I would never post photos of them or private information about them or anything on here)… but that’s something I will keep in mind!

  20. 61

    My son also had a lip tie and tongue tie and that made breastfeeding really difficult and frustrating for us both. I ended up giving up breastfeeding him around 3.5 weeks and went to exclusively pumping. I ended up exclusively pumping until he was around 9 months and had enough milk frozen that ended up lasting him until 15 months. I was a major overproducer. I am pregnant and due with our second at the end of February and I’m really hoping to be able to breastfeed this baby instead of exclusively pumping. Hopefully the lactation consultant will be able to give you some answers and advice to help you and Reese! I never knew how difficult breastfeeding could be until having my son! It seems like something that should be so easy and natural because as a woman you have all the parts to do it and then come to find out it can be a lot more difficult and frustrating than originally anticipated! :) You’re doing a great job!

  21. 62

    You’ve gotten tons of supportive comments here but just have to chime in and say that you’re undoubtedly doing great with all of these variables! Lactation consultants are such a godsend, I hope she’s able to help you! Don’t get too discouraged by the fact that Riese took the bottle down so willingly… I think a lot of babies will suck down a bottle if it’s there, because, why not?! That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not providing her enough milk… think of it as the cookie you just can’t pass up. Of course there may be other things going on, but don’t put toooo much weight on just the bottle while you figure things out. You’ll figure out the right rhythm for both of you! Good luck!

  22. 64

    Hi Anne! The same thing happened to me regarding childcare earlier this year. I hired a sitter with great references to watch my son before school and get him on the bus and literally 2 days before school started she bailed on me with basically no reason behind it. The GOOD news is that I found someone who lives less than 5 minutes from us and she is AMAZING. So as much as it totally sucked stressing about finding someone else, it was all for the best and I am sure the same thing will happen to you. Good luck!

  23. 65
    Dawn E Brown says:

    If there is any way you can stay home with your little girl, consider it.You will never regret it.One thing about mothering,you never get the opportunity to go back and do it again. I know this is not wildly popular,but still felt I should share.Being a Mom is the absolute best job ever..You are shaping a life. I am a 57 year old Gram .BLESSINGS,Dawn

    • 66

      I completely agree with this! Also, being more available and able to feed on demand may help a lot with getting a breastfeeding routine down and improving weight gain. Especially in the early few weeks, it’s really important to be home with a new baby and be able to feed on demand, otherwise the breastfeeding relationship will unfortunately suffer, and the child may not gain as much weight as needed!

      • 67

        Totally agree! Both of my girls had weight issues as a result of bad reflux. But my lactation consultant always stressed the importance of giving the baby access to the breast as often as possible. It was quite intense at times, those marathon cluster-feeding sessions. I remember weeks at a time when I could barely get anything done besides nursing. But after 12 weeks it got much better.

    • 68

      Unfortunately we need my income to stay in this area… so expensive! But I’m grateful to have the ability to work from home so I can continue to breastfeed on demand, and to see her a lot more during the day! I’m also hoping the Wednesday thing works out – it would be so nice to have her all to myself for one day each week!

      • 69

        I am a freelance writer and work from home (during early mornings, naps, and weekends) as well — it’s great! Now that I have two, it’s hard to find the time, but I wouldn’t change a thing. You’ll figure it out and be just fine <3

  24. 70

    I had the same issues, here is a link to some videos that my lactation consultant suggested. the whole site is very good. I hope this helps.

  25. 71
    Carolyn M says:

    Being a new mom is so incredibly difficult. Feeding issues and nanny issues would be so emotionally challenging in the best of circumstances, but add in the new mom hormones, lack of sleep and a partner back at work and it makes it even that more difficult. I just wanted to chime in and say you are doing a GREAT JOB, Anne!

  26. 72
    Christina says:

    Bummer about the nanny! So rude of her!!!! This happened to us 2 days (not 12 hours) before our nanny was supposed to start. Luckily I ended up finding our nanny off of a local Facebook group (have you tried that?) and she’s the best! It all worked out for the best!

  27. 73

    I‘ so sorry to hear that you‘re having such a hard time. I can‘t believe how rude and unprofessional this nanny was! Try to forget about it. She wasn‘t the right match for Riese. And oh my god that smile. My heart is melting. Even though you‘re going through a very rough time, at least you know for whom you‘re doing it 😍 Big hug!

  28. 74

    Very sorry to hear about the nanny bail, that’s awful :(
    Riese’s smile is adorable!! Hang in there :)

  29. 75

    I’m sorry you’re going through all of this Anne! For something that’s so “natural” breastfeeding can cause so much worry for a new mom. My baby struggled to gain weight too and was always fussy after a feeding which to me was a sign she wasn’t getting enough from my breast. I saw several lactation consultants and finally was diagnosed with Insufficient Glandular Tissue. I didn’t even know this was a thing! Basically I didn’t have enough of the glandular tissue in my breasts to produce enough milk. So while I could produce a little, I couldn’t produce enough to exclusively breastfeed my baby. While it was heartbreaking at the time I was happy I finally had an answer to my problems. We continued to combo feed formula and breastmilk for close to a year and it worked out great. Once she started to gain weight she was a completely different baby, less fussing, longer stretches of sleep, etc. I’m by no means saying you have IGT just putting my story out there. You’re doing a great job and I know you’ll find the answers to your milk woes. And I just have to say having a newborn is TOUGH…I promise it just keeps getting better and better.

  30. 76

    Just remember – you’re doing a great job with everything and trying your very hardest. It’s so easy to blame everything that goes wrong on you (I have a 2-year-old and a 3-week-old, so I totally get it!), but I promise, your sweet girl is getting all she needs from you because you’re working so hard and loving her so much. Try, as best as you can, to love yourself right now as much as you love her. You deserve it, and things WILL get better.

  31. 77

    Momming is hard and don’t forget you are still in the “fourth trimester” so bound to be feeling a little unsettled by any big changes!

    Ask your lactation consultant to assess her for tongue tie. A posterior tie is very hard to diagnose but causes the issues you mentioned. If she is a bit gassy that is also a sign. The procedure to get it snipped is short and they get over it quickly. My son was exactly the same and I BF exclusively until he was 7 months. It was a battle and we were both exhausted. When I finally gave him formula and bottles he shot up 60 centiles and has stayed there ever since. All this to say I wish I had just given him more bottles—would have saved us both a lot of strain. Good luck!

  32. 78

    That nanny situation is complete garbage. I’m so sorry. I didn’t read all the comments above so perhaps already mentioned (in fact, probably). But, have you had her checked for a tongue tie? This is really similar to what happened with us with Graham. He started out HUGE, and then his weight tapered off around month three, and the curve was dipping at month four. I was also getting mastitis often and clearly my breasts weren’t being emptied enough. He was nursing forever and would get really sleepy and fall asleep on the boob because it was so much effort to nurse through the tie (of course I didn’t know any of this until hindsight). He was also pretty fussy, which I thought was reflux but was actually probably hunger. :( We had him checked and turned out he had a thick bottom tongue tie. We ended up having it snipped at 6 months (and oh how I wish it had been sooner) and it made a world of difference. Hang in there lady! New mamahood is SUCH a roller-coaster!

  33. 79

    I have a two month old baby boy – born right after Riese (Nov. 28th) and we had issues with weight gain early on- we are still doing bottle supplementation with pumped breast milk after some feedings if he doesn’t eat well- I also recommend the Hatch baby grow scale- we weigh him before and after breastfeeding so I know how much he had and then I give another oz or so in a bottle depending on how he is doing- breastfeeding issues are so tough and I know I struggled so much feeling like I couldn’t provide enough milk for him- stick with it and I hope it gets better!

  34. 80
    Marci gilbert says:

    You’re doing a great job! 1–you’ll find a way better nanny! I had one that didn’t show up on the first day. I called her to see where she was and she was asleep. Better to find out sooner than later! I was outraged.
    2–I know you don’t want to hear about formula yet but with my third baby (3 months old now) I didn’t even start bf’ing. For a lot of reasons I decided a happier mom means a happier family and I haven’t looked back. If you go this route, it is not a failure.

  35. 81

    As a fellow Grandma, trust me, your mom loves it. I call it the best gig ever. Like being in love❤️ But better.
    Your baby is beautiful. Looks like Hanna Anderson pajamas. They are the best. Plus their socks are awesome!,
    You look great and happy. It all goes with your new role. Congrats again to all of you.

  36. 82

    Ditto what many other mama’s have said above! The lactation consultants were incredibly helpful to us….weighted feeds helped us to see what she was taking in and what we needed to give her. She was born 5 weeks early and was a nugget at only 5 pounds. We ended up feeding with the nipple shield, then I would pump while Matt gave her formula (at the beginning before my milk came in) or breastmilk every 3 hours. It was long and hard and involved spreadsheets and our kitchen scale, but eventually she weaned off the nipple shield and I’m no longer pumping after every feeding. It was a happy day when she weighed too much for the kitchen scale! There were a couple of moments where I just cried because I couldn’t get her to latch or calm down-a supportive partner helps when that happens! The Breast, Bottle, and Beyond facebook group has also been super helpful…I have only posted once or twice, but just searching the page for my question has yielded tons of results…between that page and the lactation consultants, I don’t think we would have made it as far as we had. Every moment can be hard, but every moment is worth it…especially when you see those adorable smiles looking up at you!

  37. 83

    Hi Anne! I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. So horrible of that woman to cancel on you last minute. Have you considered a nanny search service? There is a fee, but they do a lot of the pre-screening for you. We actually used one they was free (a miracle) and you paid the nanny through them, but they are Florida based.

    Breastfeeding. Is. So. Hard.

    I have read a lot of the other comments, and I’m in the “don’t be afraid to give her formula” camp. Oh, the stories I could tell. Anyway, it is easy to feel like a failure when “breast is best” is pushed so hard and you are used to achieving goals that you set for yourself. But the second I left go of just one feeding and gave my daughter a bottle, my stress level went way down. Plus I did mostly breasting so I knew she was getting all the good things that are in there (I’m all about the antibodies).

    I hope you feel better soon. It will all be alright!

  38. 84

    This sounds so stressful, I hope it all improves soon! I had similar issues with my son having a shallow latch / not gaining enough was the worst :(. A lactation consultant + pumping after I feed him to increase supply (which was low because of his latch / inability to get enough milk out) helped us a ton!!

  39. 85

    Ahhh being a mom is so stressful! My first son had a tongue and lip tie that we got lasered and after that he had zero problems breastfeeding. My second baby, now five months old, also has a shallower latch and a bit of a tongue tie but he is gaining weight so we aren’t going to fix it right now. Best of luck to you, and whether you breastfeed, exclusively pump, formula feed, or any combination of those 3, remember that fed is best! No matter how it is accomplished. Best of luck to you xoxo.

  40. 86

    I’m so sorry about your nanny situation. It sounds like you may have dodged a bullet with her. She sounds really unprofessional! I don’t have any advice about breastfeeding other than to say that you are a mom doing the best you can, and that is 100% good enough. Hopefully the lactation consultant help.

  41. 87

    So sorry about the nanny, it is so stressful finding childcare!

    Have you had her checked for tongue and lips ties? I highly recommend getting her checked by a preferred provider, my son had a lip tie that wasn’t caught until we noticed and went to the dentist at 10 months old!! Thankfully lip ties aren’t usually as problematic as tongue ties so we didn’t have any major issues. Pediatricians and lactation consultants do not always receive sufficient training to detect ties and they’re very easily missed. Preferred providers are experts in the diagnosis and correction. You can find one using this list –

  42. 88
    Hannah Rankin says:

    As infuriating as it is, this DEFINITELY sounds like a classic case of the nanny got a better offer at the last minute and was too afraid to say so. She tried to play off her granddaughter as an excuse, but obviously when you asked further she had nothing to say. So sorry you’re back to square one!

  43. 89

    Just to chime in- my son has always been on the 0-2% side of the weight chart. He was packing on the ounces then we switched to a different feeding schedule in an effort to sleep train, and he stopped gaining. Turns out, he couldn’t handle the volume and we needed to feed him smaller amounts more often. We were inadvertently starving him for about a month, but he wasn’t fussy and was making the right amount of diapers, so how would we know?!? We just followed the book! Once I went back to work, I discovered I wasn’t really making enough to sustain him and we started supplementing formula. He’s back to gaining more than an ounce a day- good news is, it doesn’t take too long to bulk them back up! Even on the weekends, I tend to pump him bottles and only nurse in the morning and before bed just so I know he gets a base amount of ounces during the day and anything on top is a bonus. Good luck, none of this is easy!

  44. 90

    Hi Anne, I don’t think I have ever commented but I had a very similar situation and totally understand what you are going through! As you and everyone mentioned, an LC should be a big help. I also go to lactation groups offered for free at two local hospitals that are led by LCs and allow me to do a pre and post feed weigh. Those have really helped me confirm my daughter (only a couple of weeks older than Riese) is getting enough. It also helps me get an idea of what she eats in a certain amount of time, how she reacts after etc.
    As for the bottles, same situation. Sometimes babies take the bottle even if they aren’t particularly hungry due to how little effort it requires to get the milk. Don’t feel bad. Just because she takes more doesn’t necessarily mean she needed more milk than you had. I’ve had multiple people tell me this and it helped so much because I felt exactly the same way as you!
    All to say, you are doing great! Breastfeeding is an intense, emotional process!

  45. 91

    Ditto! The Mom guilt is real!! We really struggled with feeding, my son had a poor latch, a dairy allergy, reflux and I didn’t make nearly enough milk for what he needed. I loved the lactation consultant and her motto was always a fed baby is best. We did a lot to increase my supply but in the end it was best for my mental health and son’s well being to supplement after each feeding. While time consuming I knew it meant he was actually getting enough food. My lactation consultant runs a ton of support groups as well and I thought I would hate them, but they actually made me feel a lot better.

    And I could only imagine how horrible the nanny situation must feel. But glad you found out now vs. in a few weeks what poor work ethic she has.

  46. 92

    Oh my gosh! That is SO BIZARRE about the Nanny!? Really rude and inconsiderate of her to do that to you last minute. I wonder if/when next time you decide to hire someone if you couldn’t put something in your contract about them giving you advanced notice of when they’re not going to be able to show? Obviously, she wasn’t going to show at all, so that’s not very helpful, but I could totally see this happening to you even after you hire someone! I’m thinking something like they get their pay docked for the day before like half a day or something if they cancel within 24 hours.

    About baby feeding problems, I’m definitely no expert and not a mother, so I probably shouldn’t be saying anything.. But I feel like this is a common issue among new mothers. I guess one of my thoughts might be, if she is taking the bottle better, than what’s the harm in that? If you’re still able to pump and feed her that way with the bottle, I don’t think it means anything at all about whether or not you’re a good mother. Of even if you give her formula! In some cases, I could see an argument where formula might even be better for some mothers if for some reason they’re not able to get all of their nutritional needs met (obviously for a variety of reasons). You’re a good mother BECAUSE you’re concerned about it! I think society puts a lot of pressure on mothers and the expectations of what it means to be a mother, but at the end of the day, providing care for your child in the best way possible is the goal!

    Not sure if any of this is helpful, but more than anything I hope to help you feel like I know you’re doing the best you can. I KNOW you’re a great mother already and I KNOW it will be okay. :)

  47. 93
    Kristy C. says:

    Hi Anne,

    I’ve been a reader for years, but never commented. I feel for you right now, the juggling can be so tough, but it sounds like you are handling it like a champ. I can relate – our first childcare provider cancelled on us right before I gave birth. It really stinks when you feel like you have it all figured out and then…NOPE…back to square one. But, I can say it really did work out for the better. Just remember that everything happens for a reason! Also, regarding the nursing issues, hang in there and remember any breastmilk you can provide is a blessing. My son had weight gain issues as well (at least that’s what the doctor told us). I was super emotional and worried about it, and tried to keep up with him, which was taking a huge toll on me. So we eventually decided to supplement with organic formula and it made a world of difference. We just gave him enough to make him feel super full and happy. I made sure to do tons of research and find a brand with a good ingredient list. Hopefully a latching troubleshooting session will help, and if not, don’t beat yourself up if you have to supplement. Either way, nursing and daycare choices are all so tough and emotional, but that’s our job…to do the best we can for our little ones!! Best of luck with everything :)

    • 94

      Thank you so much! Just in case we need to go that route… what formula did you end up deciding on? I’d be looking for something similar re: the ingredient list, etc! :)

      • 95
        Kristy C. says:

        I ended up using Earth’s Best Organic: My son didn’t have dairy sensitivities, but if Riese does, they have other variations as well that aren’t dairy-based. Also, I know of some folks who have used goat’s milk instead of cow’s milk. Of course, there are some other brands of formula out there that I would have preferred, but they weren’t as accessible and were hard to get shipped. Earth’s Best is convenient because you can buy it on Amazon, and I think Target stocks it as well :) The main issue I found with the brands you’ll find in the grocery store is the sugar content. If you aren’t happy with the ingredients in Earth’s Best, you could always consider making your own formula: This is expensive and time-consuming, but my friend did it and loved the results.

  48. 97

    When my babe was 2 months I was still breastfeeding around the clock. Just know that it’s completely normal for babies to want to eat constantly. It will help your supply to feed on demand, even when it feels like all you are doing is breastfeeding. Trust the process! I know it’s tough, but it’s worth it. Breastfeeding didn’t become “scheduled” until about 5-6 months for me when she would go roughly 2-3 hours in between feedings. Up until that point it was 90 minutes if I was lucky but typically hourly! It’s demanding and it’s a lot of work, but I truly find it worth it and enjoyable once you let go of what is “normal” and what is not. Your baby will guide you with what she needs.

  49. 99

    i have a baby boy the same age as Riese, so I feel what you feel…
    Have you heard of nipple confusion? Bottle and breast use very different muscles and bottles and pacifiers are much easier for babies to suck. Babies get fussy with the breast then… you could try those spoon/bottles to feed her instead of the bottle.
    Hope it helps!

  50. 100

    Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. Gosh being a mom is tough. I have worried so much during the pregnancy (especially lately as I was hospitalized with a huge blood clot last week!) but the worrying just never ends! I hope the LC can help you figure out what is going on so you get a better latch. And that is just awful about the nanny. I am sure it’s a blessing in disguise as you want a reliable person who is 100% on board with caring for your child but it is awful that she cancelled on you at the last minute like that. I hope you can find someone that is a wonderful fit for you guys! Be kind to yourself – you are doing an amazing job!!

  51. 101

    Thanks so much for sharing Anne. For what it’s worth I think that it’s super important to share motherhood struggles – helps others and maybe also reminds them that things aren’t always as easy as it may seem from the outside/blogs/social media.

    Make sure to have your little lady checked for tongue and lip ties in addition to seeing the lactation consultant as that is often the cause of latch issues. Sadly pediatricians aren’t trained to do so. No idea why they aren’t!

  52. 102

    Anne, you absolutely MUST read this book. It is so very real. I am a first time Mama also, and the stories and words of encouragement and inspiration are amazing. Little moments likes these will pass and they will challenge you to be the mom you are meant to be. You’ve got this :)

  53. 104

    I agree with the other tongue/lip tie comments! My baby still had a shallow latch after the laser revision, and my LC recommended the laid back nursing position, and it really helped him get a better latch. And it was much more comfortable for me. Look up “laid back nursing” on YouTube – there are videos that are helpful.

    Good luck–it feels life consuming right now, but you will get through this.

  54. 105

    Having a lactation consultant will be a HUGE help! I called mine my “fairy godmother”. I always thought breastfeeding was so easy, and there was nothing to it. Boy, was I wrong! My little one is four months old and I still email my lactation consultant asking questions and my son and I still have good days and bad days with nursing.
    Try to remember that as long as your baby is happy and has wet diapers (and dirty diapers) they are fine and try not to stress! We get so focused on numbers and weight and percentiles, some babies are naturally thin, just like adults! It’s tough not to obsess and read into things too much when we have so much information at our fingertips. You will figure it out together and whatever you decide to do will be perfect!

  55. 106

    Don’t worry at all! We had weight gain issues from week 1 (my guy was tiny to begin with!) and it was determined a couple months in after weekly weigh-ins at the pedi and multiple lactation consultant visits I had a low supply. I said the exact same thing to my pedi-I felt like I was starving him!! She assured me that wasn’t the case and equated it to when we eat and sometimes you can just do with a little more if offered. She said that’s how he was feeling! Since that time I’ve still been breastfeeding and offering a formula supplement after each daytime feed. At first I felt like a bad mom having to offer forumula and would try to pump as much as possible limiting the amount of formula he’d have to take but I soon realized him being fed and satisfied is best and my ability to have some time away from feeding and the pump was important too!! We are now 4 months, little guy is still little (beneath the 1st percentile) but inching ever so closely to the line and developmentally doing awesome!! Keep up the great work-it’s a struggle but remember no one’s doing it perfect :-) And there’s no manual on how to do this stuff!!

  56. 107

    Hi there! Your story is similar to mine with both my girls who were EBF. The fact that her dr doesn’t want to see her sooner is a GREAT sign – it means what while more weight would be better, there’s no concern about her growth. Definitely get the LC out there and see what you can do – I had latch issues with my 2nd and it turns out she was tongue/lip tied. May not be your issue, but get an expert and go from there.

    I’m sorry you feel overwhelmed this week. I believe in the 2 week rule for a lot of kid things – especially breastfeeding. If it’s not working today give it 2 weeks. Do everything you can/want to make it work during that time and reevaluate. And if it’s not working, then okay. Maybe it’s time to do something different.

    Sounds to me like you’re doing a great job and should be proud. I understand the guilt but give yourself some grace. She’s growing and you’re doing the best you can for her. You’ve identified an issue and are going to work on it. That makes you an awesome mom!

  57. 108

    You’re doing great! Keep it up! The world of child care is nuts, but I bet you’ll find a wonderful nanny and feel grateful for how it all turned out. And the LC will probably help you and your daughter get back on track- and if not, pumping works and formula too!
    For what it’s worth, the pediatrician was always unhappy with my kids’ weight gain at two months- and before long just accepted that they had moved to a different growth curve. Then all was well! Maybe that’ll be the case for you

  58. 109

    That’s such a bummer about the nanny situation. Perhaps you’ve written about it before, but have you thought about daycare? We had a nanny for our first until the baby was just over a year old, and the nanny was wonderful and amazing and all that–but the nanny had her share of sick days, call-ins, etc. And I too have friends whose nannies have flaked out at the very last minute. So, we transitioned our first to daycare and also placed our second baby in daycare. Yes, the daycare illnesses suck the first year or so and prepping/washing bottles each night so they’re ready to go in the morning is the suck, but my husband and I prefer that consistency and accountability daycare provides. And we frankly hate managing people :P

    • 110

      We have actually toured a couple in-home daycares that we liked, but for now we are still thinking the nanny makes the most sense with my variable schedule, and the fact that I can work from home and still be around to see her some and breastfeed. :) We will see, though!

  59. 111

    I am SO sorry to hear about your nanny situation. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. Sending good vibes your way that everything works out soon!!

  60. 112

    Hi, as a Mom of 3 girls (all C-section births) the best thing ever is you have choices. All 3 of my breast feeding experiences were different but the best part is it doesn’t matter how you feed the baby only that they receive adequate nutrition to thrive (there is no good/bad or pass/fail :) ) My personal favorite was a combination of breast and bottle with formula or breast milk. My husband loved that he could feed them and I loved the cuddling with breast feeding…how long you decide to do this depends upon the baby and how long they like doing both. Some of my daughters continued up until 6 months…my other one went full to the bottle at 3 months….they will tell you. Sorry about the nanny situation, that is tough and why I chose to go with an established, reliable in home day care close to my home….best decision ever.

  61. 113

    Hugs to you! You will get through this! It will all be just fine.

  62. 114

    No thoughts on the breastfeeding or nanny situation – it’s been too long since I was a new mom to give relevant advice. But I did want to let you know how much I enjoy your blog – and send you my very best wishes that everything falls in place soon for you!

  63. 115

    Whew momma. Sorry you’re stressing. I had a pediatrician keep scaring me about my son’s weight. I don’t know why they use weight alone as a metric. It’s crude. Something to keep in mind, is Riese meeting all of her milestones? Did she drop from 30% to the 10% – a drastic drop can be cause for concern, but that doesn’t sound like what you’re going through. Plus the growth charts are normally ones gifted to the office from formula companies vs. from the WHO. And formula babies typically rank higher on the charts. How are you and your husband built? Riese will take after you two. – As for the fat in your milk, give your “girls” a jiggle or quick massage to mix the fattier hind milk and water-ier (but extremely necessary) fore milk. That might help. Your body is making EXACTLY what your baby needs. Not what a fatter or thinner baby needs. Good that you’re going to see an IBCLC. If you get a good one they work wonders. I went to a breastfeeding support group every week for 6 months and nursed my son for over 2.5 yrs. I hope you and Riese can nurse as long as you’d like to. Good luck! (and yes, shallow latches are terrible!)

    • 116

      That’s really interesting about jiggling the girls a bit first! I’ll try that. Thank you :) And yeah, Matt and I were both really small growing up, so wondering if that’s part of this… either way, though, the latch needs some improving!

  64. 117

    Breastfed babies do not gain the same weight as formula fed, hopefully your pediatrician is taking that into account. There’s a movie out called ‘The Milky Way’ and it’s so encouraging about breastfeeding, I highly recommend it.

    I think you are doing great and will figure it out. :)

  65. 118

    I can simpathize with breastfeeing. I think i cried more over it than pregnancy and labor combined. Kelly mom is such a great reaource for those late night google searches lol. My son took forever to feed and was super fussy it wasn’t until 6 weeks we figured out he had silent reflux. So I cut out dairy and that helped his symtoms. I try to mention it on the off chance it could be helpful for someone else’s breastfeeding journey.

  66. 119

    So sorry about the nanny and the feeding concerns. I hope you guys figure it all out soon. Love her little smile!!

  67. 120

    Seriously, don’t beat yourself up over the feeding! I had the same issue with my little one (who is also on the petite side). I eventually switched to exclusively pumping so I could track what she was eating… and she put on weight immediately. She’s almost a year and I’m still pumping. A fed baby is a happy baby so do whatever works for YOU and don’t feel bad!!

  68. 121

    I didn’t read all the other comments, so I’m sure people have given you some great advice, but…. I had a really hard time with my twins and breastfeeding. Just tons of feeding issues and weight gaining and all of that. I ended up exclusively pumping and then supplementing the breast milk with a scoop of formula to fortify it and make it more calorie dense. When we did this, it was a game changer. I didn’t feel bad about it because it was still breast milk, just with a little formula mixed in. Then, when I transitioned away from breast milk, it made it a breeze because they’d already had a little formula. Have you thought about fortifying your breast milk? Talk with your pediatrician. It helped our girls tremendously. Just my unsolicited $.02. Also, I’m sorry about the nanny. That’s just awful, but at least she never interacted with your child. Sounds like you dodged a MAJOR bullet there. Just bizarre.

  69. 123

    Hi Anne! I wanted to tell you how precious Riese is and that you are doing great work. It’s hard to know what to do because in the research your “n” is one-there is only one Reise and only one you. Neither of my kids gained as much as the docs wanted in the first month but my first managed to catch up by the later check ups. I did a tongue tie check (none-just a tighter upper lip ) and started breast massage before and during feedings which helped. I also did stretch her little lip and made sure it was flipped out over my boob. I also cri d and felt horrible for a long time which helped no one. Anyway, you are doing a tremendous job and it’s hard to figure out how to measure your success…but she is growing and smiling and making developmental gains which are awesome. Your fans care about you!

  70. 124

    I ended up exclusively pumping for 13 months because breast feeding was so challenging, and I had no idea how much my daughter was getting. Don’t be afraid to do what you need to do, whatever that is, for you both :)

  71. 125

    Hi Anne!!

    Does your husband have an EAP at work included in his benefits? I work in the employee well-being benefits world and more and more companies are buying up in their EAP services to include childcare search assistance. Look into it! A simple call may save you a lot of time and money to get help for free :)

  72. 127

    Hey Anne, so first off you’re doing great. Motherhood isn’t easy and don’t doubt yourself for a minute that you’re doing everything for your baby. I ended up exclusively pumping for both my children. The first was because she wouldn’t latch either but the second I actually chose to EP for. It’s hard but it’s totally doable. I’m happy to answer questions if you have any.

  73. 128

    Yes! I have a 9 month old and went through something similar with him. He was only gaining 4 ounces each week which we ultimately learned was a result of my low supply (I have since learned it was thyroid related). I have never fought so hard to make something work in my life. I would feed him and then pump EVERY time EVERY two hours. Exhausting. When they finally told me to start supplementing, I cried so hard. But when we gave him that first bottle of formula, instead of feeling sad, I felt a huge release of pressure. It was a combination of knowing that he was getting food and that my husband finally had an opportunity to feed him. Reading your post brought all of those feelings back. Everyone tells you that breastfeeding is hard, but I had NO IDEA. It’s so hard and you’re definitely not alone. Good luck and hang in there – it gets easier!

  74. 129

    You are doing great!! Have you had her checked for Tongue or Lip Tie?? We did not find out until about 2 months with our second. I thought he was eating well but he was actually just living off of my let down. A good lactation consultant should be able to evaluate for a tie.

  75. 130

    Sounds like you have plenty on your plate right now, but if you trust Google results over your doctor, you may also want to consider a new doctor…

    • 131

      I was going to say just the same thing. I breast fed all three of my kids for a year each and once in a while when my supply dipped, adding more fat to my diet quickly helped both to increase my supply and to increase the fat content of my breastmilk.

      • 132

        Interesting! I’ve added more fat to my meals and snacks just in case… I figure it can’t hurt, right?! I really do think it’s the latch issue, but who knows!

  76. 133

    Sorry about the nanny. Inviting someone into your home is unpredictable. After 2 kids and working with a nanny for years I discovered she was stealing from us. Gift cards, cash, jewelry… and more. I would never advise getting a nanny. You are trusting with your most precious gift. It was a very painful lesson. As for the latch, once she gets used to the fast delivery of the bottle, she will likely prefer that over nursing. Start pumping a stash and supplement with formula. Any breastmilk is good especially for her immune system. Don’t stress out over this. Also, I agree with other posters…you might want to find a new Ped.

  77. 135
    Charlotte Marie says:

    Just wanted to say hang in there, mama! Being a new mom is so emotional and you’ve been through a lot. I used a nipple shield with both kids and it was very helpful for us. You are doing great no matter what road y’all go down with feeding. A happy, peaceful mom is a happy baby! Congrats on your beautiful baby girl!!

  78. 136

    Anne, perhaps you could find a La Leche League group/meeting in your area? It may serve as a resource in addition to a lactation consultant?

  79. 138

    Oh you poor Mama. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I don’t have a baby yet, but I have seen my best friend dealing with mum guilt lately and I just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you in those frustrating, sleepless times. I am sure everything will look brighter soon, and Miss Riese seems to love you a whole lot so you must be a wonderful mama.

  80. 139

    Hi Anne,
    I love reading your blog and especially now that I’m a new mom as well- my girl will be 3 months this Thursday! First, that’s horrible about your nanny. I was a nanny for almost 9 years and can’t imagine doing that to someone. I know how hard it is to find someone you trust to become part of your family & I hope you find one soon.
    Second, I also had a hard time with breast feeding. I have a supply issue though no one was able to diagnose any reason. She lost weight in the hospital after my c- section, so we had to stay longer. Had to supplement formula while there, then when we got home did everything i could (pumping after every feed, supplements, oatmeal, gallons of water etc) but she ended up losing again so it ended up that i nurse for 10-15 mins each side, then give a bottle of formula after. It broke my heart thinking i starved her, but I finally began feeling better after she gained weight and continued to do so. I wanted to say that while you’ve gotten so much good advice, I was so overwhelmed with the advice I was getting to try every possible thing that the only person who calmed me down was the pediatrician who told me I was doing my best and that all we want is a (mentally) healthy mom and a thriving baby. If I wasn’t happy (and after over a month and 1/2 with no success….i definitely wasn’t) then the baby would feel that too. I’m glad to nurse her even a little now. I also wish i knew breast feeding looks different for everyone, there’s no one right way. Just remember that even if after you exhaust every option & it still doesn’t work as you want it to, you’re doing the best you can and that’s perfect for your beautiful baby!

  81. 140

    Everyone has had such great advice. I think talking about this stuff helps make it less taboo, and I’m so grateful so many people are brave enough to share their stories. What a Fannetastic community you’ve built! I’d just like to add one more thing — Anne, if you want to continue breastfeeding, you totally can. I’ve had most of the problems listed above – undiagnosed lip and tongue ties, shallow latch, going back to work at six weeks, slow weight gain (p.s. my kid is still below the curve, i.e. less than 1rst percentile, and still thriving). I saw a lactation consultant around 6 months postpartum and she asked how on Earth I had managed to continue breastfeeding with all of these issues (seriously my kid was screaming so loud while I was waiting to see her that her staff went and got her from another patient and said you’ve got to come help this baby!). I told her that quitting just wasn’t an option. So while I truly believe that fed is best, I want you to know that if you want to breastfeed, you can totally breastfeed! I’m now 16 months postpartum and my little one is still nursing strong. Love to you and all these mommas!

    • 141

      Also if you want to start thinking about how to start introducing food after six months, I highly recommend Super Nutrition for Babies by Erlich and Genzlinger. I think they may even have a recipe in that book for homemade formula.

  82. 143
    Tricia Thomas says:

    It’s already been said but just wanted to echo the message. It’s ok if this doesn’t work out and you have to/want to switch to bottles. I have two boys (and I work full time) and that first year is such a whirlwind. I’m all about whatever makes it fun and enjoyable versus stressful.

    Also… Omg to the nanny situation. That is so stressful!

  83. 144

    Maybe this nanny issue, though frustrating, is a blessing in disguise. Now you can be with your daughter 24/7 to make sure she is getting the nutrition (milk!) that she so desperately needs! Nursing at that age is a round-the-clock, more-than-full-time job. Xoxo

  84. 145

    So very sorry to hear about the nanny situation, but unfortunately it is not uncommon. If you can’t find anyone else on your own or if it gets too frustrating, you might want to consider White House Nannies. A number of my work colleagues have used them and been very happy. They are not inexpensive, but perhaps you could find a quality nanny through them more easily. Because of “nanny drama,” I put my kids in daycare at age one because I liked the reliability and the social aspects, but I can understand you wanting to keep Riese at home for now. Good luck! This is really hard, but it will work out — there are many people that have gone through this and lived to tell about it!

  85. 146

    Hi Anne – I just wanted to offer something for you to think about during your renewed nanny search. With DC being such an expensive place to live, you may be limiting your pool of applicants by only requesting 36 hrs/week. You may want to consider offering 40 hrs/week instead. While it’s tempting to try to save money on those 4 hours, to the nanny she may need those 4 hours of pay since most nannys I’ve come across do it as their sole income. Also, 40 hrs/week give you some flexibility if you’re running late, hit horrible traffic, or want to take a yoga class or have an hour to yourself on your day with Riese. Best of luck on your search!

  86. 148

    Mommin ain’t easy! You are doing a fantastic job and there’s ALWAYS challenges. Great job looking at the bright side of things and hang in there! Lots of love coming your way. -Jen

  87. 149

    I have a 7 month old and so recently went through the stage you are going through now. I read a book called “Unlatched” that made me very passionate about breastfeeding. I would recommend reading it before you make any decisions about supplementing/switching to formula. I would also recommend the womanly art of breastfeeding. Also check out your local La Leche League Chapter for support. As a dietician you must be aware of the benefits of breastfeeding. Our society would have us believe that breastfeeding and formula feeding are equivalent… let these books help you decide if that is really true. You also are fortunate that even when you find childcare you will be in close proximity to your baby (pumping not required) so take advantage of that! Once I started feeding my baby on demand (every time he was fussy or sad or looked hungry), he really started chunking up. Things will get better. Good luck!!

  88. 150

    Are you open to a daycare center? Both of my boys have been at Crystal City Children’s Center since 3 months and we love it! The women in the infant rooms are amazing and I feel fortunate they took such great care of my little guys! Just a suggestion if you want to inquire.

    I have no breastfeeding advice since I avoided it due to severe postpartum anxiety/depression. Sounds like a lactation consultant is good idea.

    Best of luck!

    • 151

      We have toured some in-home daycares but I think with me working from home, we want to take advantage of that so I can still breastfeed her during the day… I appreciate the recommendation, though! Thank you!

  89. 152

    Hi Anne – My 7 month old was both tongue and lip tied and it wasn’t until we saw a pediatric dentist who specializes in the procedure that I realized how much it was going to effect breast feeding. It often goes undiagnosed by pediatricians and lactation consultants because it’s a procedure that’s considered to be overdone and not always necessary but for us – it definitely was. Breastfeeding is such a journey. My son’s latch has changes a few times which has led to painful periods of time. Also, since I’ve been back to work full time, I pump, but we also add some formula into his bottles to take the pressure off me to produce enough milk while I’m gone. Whatever you decide to do will be the best thing for your family.

  90. 153

    Balancing being a mommy + working is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. It’s such a challenge, and one that ebbs and flows. You’ll find your groove–just know you’re different and life is different now. Also, it’s just a chapter in your life for now. Sometimes somethings gotta give, at least for a while.

  91. 154
    Brooke Eberly says:

    Hi Anne,
    I am a long time reader of your blog and live here in Springfield, VA. I might be able to help with your nanny search. A woman who worked at my daughter’s in home day care left recently because she needed a little more flexibility to be able to take care of her 9 year old daughter at times too, if she gets a call to pick her up from school or something. This woman is absolutely amazing. I know she is looking for more work to watch kids right now. My daughter, who is 2.5 adores her. We had her come and babysit my daughter this weekend, my daughter hadn’t seen her in over two months and she was overjoyed to see her. She always gave us exact details on what went on with my daughter each day and she genuinely loved all the kids at the daycare. I think it is worth a try for you to give her a call. If you are interested, please email me and I can give you more details about her. I hope that maybe this can help you both out. Our daycare has not been the same since she left and that saddens us.

    As for the breastfeeding, I understand. I had a rough time and saw many lactation consultants. Has she been checked for a tongue and lip tie? Ours did not get diagnosed for 6 weeks. Sometimes they miss it, if you haven’t been having extreme pain they might not catch it. My daughter was gaining weight, but I had extreme pain for 6 weeks so no one really thought much of it. Once we got those clipped everything was fine. I went on to nurse for 18 months and I was always happy that I pushed through and reached out for the help that I needed. You will figure it all out and she will be fine.

    Good Luck- Brooke

    • 155

      I would definitely love to hear more about the potential nanny – thank you so much! I’m definitely going to ask about the tongue/lip tie, too – I had a LOT of pain the first few weeks when she ate (and in between feeding sessions), but not much now… but that could still be what’s going on.

      • 156
        Brooke Eberly says:

        I would love to give you more info about her, but I don’t want to post her personal info on here. Is there an email address where I can send it?

        I also had lots of pain after nursing. That would often be the worst part. I would sometimes be up for another hour after feeding her in the night putting warm compressing on my breast until they felt better and then I was up again another hour later doing the whole 2 hours process again. It was rough. We did get through it and in the end it was worth it. I know it might not feel like this will pass right now, but it does and will eventually feel like a lifetime ago.

        • 157

          Yes absolutely! I was actually just going to email you – definitely didn’t mean for you to post the info here! Will write you now :) Thank you!!

  92. 158

    Oh Anne, the stress of everything with being a new mom is SO MUCH MORE than anyone ever prepared me for! I was home for only 11 weeks before I went back to work, and was lucky enough to have a sitter who was a good friend watch Kira out of her home. I spent hours upon hours pumping to keep up with her ravenous appetite, and it legitimately took months for her to figure out a latch and how to eat enough at one time to be satisfied. A lactation consultant is a great option for some help, but supplementing is not a bad thing either! I know that oatmeal in the morning and a dark beer at night helped jack up my supply too, and I ate SO MUCH avocado! Good luck, you’ve got this!

  93. 159

    You are doing a great job! Your love and selfless for Reise comes across in your blog.

    The best advice I ever received about nursing was to never quit on a bad day.

    I spent so many hours in tears struggling with latch, dairy sensitivity, oversupply, etc. I had a similar experience with my first child – the doctor actually said he was dehydrated even though he was having wet diapers. Sometimes doctors aren’t very informed about nursing and nutrition. Like others have said, they should be using a growth chart for breastfed babies specifically. After the doctor appointment I was freaking out since I was nursing and we drove to a lactation consultant’s home at like 9 that night. She was so helpful and said that if my newborn was actually dehydrated, the doctor would have sent him to a hospital. It turns out my son wasn’t latching right and so even though he was nursing for 45 min, he wasn’t getting much. He ended up having a tongue tie and once that was fixed it was much better. I nursed him for 15 months and I am so glad I did. Oh and we switched doctors too and we are still with the new pediatrician today, 7 years later.

    Also don’t forget that breastfeeding is good for moms health too. We know about the health benefits for baby, but we forget about the long term health benefits for mom.

    • 160

      That’s such good advice about never quitting on a bad day. Applicable to many things in life, actually!

      • 161

        That is good advice – unfortunately I had to quit breast feeding my son on a bad day – I had gotten food poisoning the day before I was to start a new job – I was afraid he would get sick too so I had to wean him that day and it was my birthday too! You’ve gotten lots of good advice and hope that all works out well for you in breastfeeding as well as childcare situation.

  94. 163

    That is stressful! I’ve been a long time reader but not commented much. I’m a high school teacher with a 15 month old and someone once told me that the hardest/most stressful part of working is the childcare piece. I would agree with that wholeheartedly. We love our in home daycare because we know he’s loved but our provider gets sick A LOT. Basically everyone i talk to, there’s always something that’s not ideal. I don’t know that this is helpful but maybe just to let you know the daycare stress is normal? You will get into a rhythm and overall, the stress is still worth it for me to work because i love my job and i honestly think I’m a better mom for working because i feel fulfilled, plus I’m SO ready to spend quality time with my baby at night and on the weekends. Anyway, thanks for sharing and i think you’re doing a great job!

    • 164

      I think I’ll be a better mom for working some, too… it will make me so much more focused and appreciative of the time we do have together! And I think it’s important for me to feel like I have a life outside of her, too, as hard as it is to leave her with someone else.

  95. 165

    What a bummer about the nanny! But I guess it’s better that it was now rather than later? I hope you find someone that is the perfect fit and who wants the job soon! Your little girl has the most previous smile! :). Oh, and the Instant Pot…. you talked about it’s easy to sometimes feel (unwarranted, I’m sure!) mom guilt – well, I have IP guilt, haha. I’ve had it since November of 2016 and have used it twice… two times… and it was just to make steel cut oatmeal, haha. It just totally intimidates me, I guess. But I know people love it, so I should just get over that irrational IP fear :)

  96. 166

    Aww Anne, I’m so sorry about all the annoyingness! At least Riese is a little bundle of joy and you have so much support, but my goodness, it’s truly ridiculous that people have the gall to just do that. I will say, usually when something like that happens, (as cliche as it sounds) another door opens that is so much better than the option that didn’t work out. Good luck with the search <3

  97. 167
    Katherine says:

    When my first daughter was beginning nursing it also was a struggle for us. I pumped a LOT and have some of her feedings by bottle and when she needed to gain weight in the beginning the lactation specialist Had me add some formula to the breastmilk just to boost the calories. Still did nurse for the bonding, etc but for about 6 weeks it was mostly bottles of breastmilk. I was so worried she would never nurse or would forget how, but she didn’t…. and ended up nursing for almost 2 years! Don’t give up — it definitely isn’t as easy as we imagine, but is so good for both mom and baby.

  98. 168
    Alison Chandler says:

    Anne, first off, you’re doing great! I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time right now, but things will all get better. I do want to warn you a bit about kellymom, especially since you’re already feeling guilty about breastfeeding. While the site does have a lot of information, it is also not an unbiased resource. I have breastfed my baby for nine months and have been so lucky. But, I found that consulting kellymom from time to time made me panic that I was doing it wrong, or not enough, etc. I found that the website often stated opinions as facts and that can be really hard to discern when you haven’t slept. If your mom breastfed her children, she is probably a great resource. If you don’t completely trust your pediatrician, I would look into others. There is a ton of information available, but none of that should override your mama instinct or common sense. Again, you’re doing great!!

  99. 170
    Roadrunner says:

    As you note, time to count blessings — in addition to sorting out the challenges!

  100. 171

    i can’t relate to ANY of this, but i just want to send a virtual hug y’alls way!


  1. […] you guys. I cannot thank you enough for the outpouring of support and kind words that you shared on my last post sharing some of the mom struggles I’m having right now. It means so much to me to know I’m […]

  2. […] and Friday from 8 to 2. So far, things have gone really well! I’m actually really glad now that our first nanny bailed on us because as stressful as that was, I think this one is a way better fit anyway – she’s more […]

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